Existing in the privilege of tonight.

My body wants to put you down so I can stretch out. But I know the rhythm of my breath is helping regulate yours.

I want to go home and sleep, hand you into the arms of your ever loving daddy, but I know tonight the rhythm of my heart is helping regulate yours.

I know if you were awake and lucid you’d be asking for your daddy by now but this is where the depth of our connection lies. In the unconscious, the instinctual need. Tonight you need me. Physically. Somehow the synapses and circuits and bio-chemical fireworks of our bodies anatomically dance to the same beat. Two puzzle pieces, locked in place. Two working parts of the same machine. The common goal is to exist in the privilege of tonight. To just hold one another and hold on lovingly tight.

blog hands

The gentle light that emits from your soul dances across the air coming back to rest on the tips of your golden hair and together we glow in tender love.

So tonight I ache.
I am exhausted and I want to go home. But tonight you need me and honey, I have always needed you.

My body is empty, my heart is full.
Together. As we were made to be. Existing in the privilege of tonight.

Our precious Bumble Bede was admitted into ICU earlier today. It was an extremely difficult night.
We love him deeply.

38 thoughts on “Existing in the privilege of tonight.

  1. Like so many of the people who follow you, we have never met and likely as not, never will. Know that Bede’s light shines so strongly that it touches me even so. Know that the circle of light that shines from Bede already reaches farther than you could imagine, his inner strength and desire to be has seeped into the souls of others, including mine. I am so grateful for the opportunity to watch Bede shine, and to you, whose words are like a hurricane shade: protecting his light while also reflecting it so that it illuminates great caverns.

  2. May strength sustain you all at this difficult time, my prayers are there for darling Bede, hang in there buddy and show them the Mighty Warrior that you are. xx

  3. Unlike you Isabella, I don’t have the words to express how deeply I feel for you all. Bede, you are amazing. Keep being amazing. All our love

  4. Having followed you and Bede’s journey, it is like he has become one of my own. I feel saddened at the latest news, you write of it so beautifully, and I feel how your love pours into Bede. I pray for you all.

  5. As I have struggled through a difficult day, nothing can compare to what your going through my thoughts and prayers are with you may Bede have a peaceful night tonight xx

  6. Baby Bede, you’ve got this. We’re behind you every single step of this road you’re traveling. We love you buddy, we love you and your beautiful family. Xxxxx

  7. Such beautiful words, so much love and strength.
    So proud of you beautiful Bede, I wholeheartedly believe you will do what you need to, but for now rest in contentment in the loving arms of your beautiful Mum. So many behind you.
    X

  8. Bede I’m sending you so much love and strength. You are courageous little man and are so incredibly strong. Your Mumma is one amazing woman. Please give her your cuddles and fill her with the love of a nation of Mummies who are with her with your every achievement and hiccup. xxxxx ooooo

  9. Sending The Mighty Bede all the Love, Strength and Healing Light to get back to good.

    Sending Isabella, Roy and Gus all the Love, Positivity and Strength to help Bede through this difficult time.

    Thinking of you all xxx

  10. Sending all of our love, light and hope to you, your family and most importantly to that gorgeous little kid, Bede. I have held my child throughout many a night knowing that it was just for us, to have my rhythmn guide hers: for all its scariness at the reasons why, there is the deep unshakeable truth, that what we also have in our arms and in our ability to help guide our babies is a privledge nothing short of miraculous. How beautifully we are made! As you guys continue to hold him close and hold his light while he cannot, we send our love and our prayers. From one BAM mum to another #teambede

  11. We love you Bede. Though we’ve never met, your mum and I have chatted from when you and flynn were growing in our bellies. We follow your journey and you’re always in our heart. From down in Tassie we send courage and strength. Zoe

  12. May the thoughts and best wishes of all of us in Team Bede (far and wide) lift you up and provide you with the strength and support you need. In the quiet solitude of the precious time you have with Bede today and tonight, know that our hearts are beating with you, too. Bede may be small and mighty … but we are always (and ever will be) your mighty supporters

  13. Like many who follow you, I have never met your family and you do not know me. Reading your blog has been inspirational and heartbreaking.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

  14. Sending so much love and strength your way. I have been following Bede’s journey for a while now and your unselfless love for him gives me strength in my darker days. I hope your night wasn’t too rough and Bede has given you some beautiful smiles this morning. His smile certainly lights up the world. xxxx

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